MJ Live

Monday, December 17, 2007

The Hardest Goodbye (Written 12/16/07)

Well after the wedding came the hardest part of leaving a country…the waiting. It's still strange to think that in about 24 hours I will be heading to the airport and leaving a country that I have called home for two years.

Today (Sunday) was my last Sunday at Peace Chapel – my church home in Samoa. When a member of the church leaves, Pastor Samoa usually has them come onto the stage to share their testimony with the congregation. Sara and I have seen then a dozen times and we knew that we would have to get up and share our testimony with the entire church. What made this one special is that today's service was a combined service (meaning both the Samoan and English congregation were in church at one time) which meant that we would be speaking in front of ALL of the Peace Chapel congregation. This would also be the last time that I rode my bike to church, which is just kind of a strange feeling in and of itself. Right when I was thinking about leaving to ride down to church, it began to just poor down rain extremely hard. It was basically a white wall of rain from my house all the way to the seawall – it was so bad that I couldn't even see Apia. I was like "Come on God, you know this is the one service I HAVE to go to and it would suck to have to bike down to church in a torrential downpour". Fortunately, God took mercy on me and ceased the rain about 20 minutes after it began and I was able to bike down without getting wet, which was nice indeed.

So I arrived at church and as people were slowly coming into the church, I realized that the visitors who came in for Lorna and Zonder's wedding were still here. So Sara and I would be speaking in front of not only our Peace Chapel congregation but also some of the congregation from the Every Nation church in Auckland – talk about maximum effectiveness. After worship and giving a few announcements, Pastor Samoa called us up onto the stage and allowed us to share a few words. Sara went first and shared her testimony of how when she first came to Peace Chapel, she never doubted that this was the place for her. She shared how the congregation has been a great spiritual family for her over the past two years and gave thanks to Pastor Samoa and Alesai for being her Samoan Dad and Mom. (As a side note: It never ceases to amaze me that the most effective way to be a Peace Corps volunteer and really understand the culture is to get hooked up with a family within the community. Doesn't have to be the training village family they set you up with, but just feeling like you are part of the country gives the experience greater meaning. When Sara and I first came to Peace Chapel, we weren't looking for Samoan families – they just developed over time, naturally. ) Amazingly, she did not cry while on the stage….If I were a betting man, I would have definitely lost that one. After her, it was my turn and as I stood in front of the church (for the 3rd time in less then a month) it just kind of hit me that 'Wow, this is my last time in this church building'. When Sara and I come back, Peace Chapel should be moved into their new church across the street. I shared my testimony of how I had never been a part of a church family before coming to Peace Chapel and I thanked them for accepting me as I was. If you know me, I can be a bit sarcastic but when you get to know me – you know I'm a good guy. A lot of people in the church could have just written me off but they accepted me and saw the good in me and really nurtured that. I (as well as Sara) felt very fortunate to be a part of the church during these past two years – we have seen a great transformation in the church and know that great things are still in the making for the church. I've spoken enough over the past month, so I wanted to keep my testimony short but I ended with 'We will be back'. While we are physically leaving the church, we are taking the memory and the spiritual lessons learned here back with us to the states. I would say more then anything, Peace Chapel has had the biggest affect on our experience in Samoa and we would not have had it any other way.

After our testimony, the church service continued and ended at around 12:15pm (it was a super sized church service, lasting about 2.5 hours). Once the service was done, it was time to go around and start saying goodbye to people. It was a weird feeling saying goodbye to people I see on a regular basis here – it still hasn't hit me that I won't be seeing these folks later in the week. One of the hardest parts came when I had to say goodbye to the Pati kids (Edwina, Tiffany, Rachael, Elisha) – I have known these kids since I arrived in country in 2005 (I literally met them during my training period). I gave them the biggest hugs they had ever received from me. Notice that I said Pati kids….Teuila and Pati bolted out of the church pretty quickly – they are going to be the hardest two for Sara and I to say goodbye to (especially Teuila, whom we have known our entire Peace Corps lives and is like our Peace Corps Mom). So I went around and gave as many hugs and goodbyes as I could, trying to make sure not to miss anyone. Sara began to cry when she looked around and realized that this is the last time we will be in this particular church building. In her emotional state, she tried to hug me but I told her nope – because when we hug, I may cry because we are the last of Group 75 – and I'm saving that for our lunch on Monday (my last official day). During the process of saying goodbye and the tears, it began to pour down again.

Thankfully Uaea (Why-uh) offered me (and my bike) a lift, which meant I was not going to have to bike in the rain which is a nice change of pace. I've done it multiple times before and trust me, it sucks. Anyway, he drove me over to Paul and Vivi's house for one last meal with them. This would actually be my first Sunday To'ona'I with them since I met them – a good way to end my journey with them. It's funny, Sara went over to the Pastors house (Samoa, Alesai, David, Torrie, Sarona, Ariana, Susanna) and I went over to the Phillips house (Paul, Vivi, Jewell, Grace, Jorim) [Matilda left on Saturday to go to New Zealand, I came over yesterday to say goodbye specifically to her] – so in essence, we went to our Samoan families for one last Sunday brunch. The brunch as always was terrific and very filling…a good time was had by all. But throughout the meal, I just couldn't shake the knowledge that this would be the last time I was here as a volunteer. That stupid idea of 'This is the last time…' just affects everything these days. I spent a good portion of Sunday afternoon with them, just talking and enjoying each others company. But then the time came…it was time to go home (BTW, Paul and Vivi got my bike and Sara's bike as well – our last gift to the family that has done so much for us). I said goodbye to Tina (married to Vivi's brother, Richard) and French Penny (Vivi's mom) at the house but when it came time to leave the house, it was going to be Paul and Vivi, but the kids were like 'We're coming too so we can wait to say goodbye'. That really made me happy, because I didn't want to have to say goodbye to soon as well.

During the ride from their house back to Chanel, I was just looking at each of them and just realized that the next time I see them (and I will see them again) they will be different. Paul and Vivi might look the same, but the kids will all be older – Jewell will be at university, Matilda may be as well, Grace will be in college, Jorim will not be the jumping all over me 6 year old and Nathanial will not remember me. You know those moments that you wish you could just freeze in time and hold onto forever – that's the type of moment it was when I was riding in the car with them. Unfortunately we did eventually make it to my house and the time came to say goodbye. I gave them all hugs and told them I loved them and thanked them for looking after me for the past year. The Phillips family have been such a huge part of my experience during my time here that when I said goodbye to them it hit home that this adventure is almost over. I held back the tears as best I could and watched as they drove off – I will see them again when I return to Samoa.

When I first arrived in Samoa in 2005, I never thought I would get super connected to anyone in Samoa. Not because I didn't want to but because I couldn't really see myself getting emotionally attached to anyone here. Here I sit, 2007, and I couldn't imagine what my week would be like without a trip to the Phillips house and seeing the kids and Paul and Viv. Someone at church asked me 'Can you even imagine what your two years would have been like had you not been in Samoa?' and my honest answer is – no, I can't. This has been such an amazing, life altering, view perspective changing experience that I can't imagine what my two years would have been like away from Samoa – and without the Phillips. When they drove off, that's when the countdown clock began to run in my head…only a few more hours in Samoa and then we are done. Sad.

On my last day (Monday) I shall be finishing up some Peace Corps paper work and tying up some loose ends. I will also be giving out a few more goodbyes but after the Phillips there's only one more hard goodbye….Teuila (our PCMO). While she has said goodbye to plenty of Peace Corps over the years, Sara and I are different – and it's going to be rough. Joining Peace Corps and coming to Samoa was not easy, who would have ever imagined that leaving would be just as hard.

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